


my love, take your time

by colormemotional



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Memory Loss, Sad Ending, Secret Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 05:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10870452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormemotional/pseuds/colormemotional
Summary: They got married in November





	my love, take your time

**Author's Note:**

> title from the world was wide enough off the Hamilton soundtrack
> 
> I was weak, I was awake, you'd never seen a high school student more in need of a break.  
> I don't know where this came from.  
> I deeply apologize.

They get married in November. 

John is wearing the finest suit he can manage at the time, and Alexander is borrowing one of Aaron’s that is of a similar disposition. All Aaron knows, is that he is off to charm a certain Eliza Schuyler, not marrying his best friend in a clearing by a river that no one knows about. John tells him this little ceremony is a silly idea; after all they are not children, John is nearly thirty, and no one will be there. A ceremony is supposed to have a guest list. 

(John tells him it is also not valid, there is no real priest and the union will never mean anything. Alexander wants to do something special. He’s always been too dramatic.) 

They get married in November. 

They are the only ones there. The sun isn’t coming out, it will surely rain soon and Alexander has a case to finish later, John must pen another letter to his father. They don’t do it the right way. They talk and laugh and Alexander says some of his vows before he breaks out giggling and John pretends there’s a priest talking to them before they kiss. They slip pretty golden bands that shine in the sunlight coming from in between the trees on the ring fingers of their right hands and act as if there is a bouquet to throw. Link arms, march down the aisle made of nothing and nod at joyful friends of family that do not exist. If they look at each other long enough, they can maybe see it being real. 

They get married in November. 

John uses bright yellow ribbon to hold his hair together and Alexander leaves his own down. They know it’s absurd and they look like two mad men, but it’s nice to think it could happen. It’s nice to think they could wear these bands together and when they go to dance in little dinner parties, they can be each other’s partner and waltz the disgusted looks away. Dance and dance and dance until they are no longer dancing but hanging, rope burns around their necks thick. Eyes clouded but lips curved up in happy relief. 

They walk home when they think it has quite finished. John walks Alexander into their tiny house and they bolt the door, undress each other from their fine suits and kiss each inch of skin they can find until Alex must leave. He kisses his band and places it in his breast pocket, then kisses John’s band, works his lips from the shiny gold to the scarred knuckles until his  _ husband  _ shoos him away to go to his job. 

They got married in November, which day, Alexander cannot seem to remember, but he knows it was November when John said he loved him more that the ocean loves the coastline. He knows he saw little droplets of water fall from the sky and build up on John’s beautiful face as they walked home and can feel the smile that never left his face in the hours they had spent inside afterwards. John will remind him, Alexander thinks, once he gets back from the market; memory loss is not uncommon for him nowadays and John always knows the answers.

When John returns he puts the vegetables away in the cellar of their little house and tisks Alexander for forgetting the subject of what he is writing. He puts the papers in order and tucks the quill into its stand, tells Alex that they got married on the sixteenth of November, and they cook supper together quietly. They eat then John kisses him fully, brings Alexander close. Combs his husband’s hair with his own fingers. They make love sweetly later on, softly and slower than before. Oh yes, Alexander thinks as he counts John’s freckles while he sleeps, now he knows. The sixteenth was the happiest day of his life.  

They got married fifteen years ago in November, on precisely the sixteenth, and so much has evolved since then. 

When Alexander’s memory becomes worse he is forced to quit his job as Treasury Secretary and John has finished his medical degree. He opens his own clinic: he is the one who told Aaron Theodosia Jr. is a healthy baby and Theodosia Sr. will not make it. He is the one that gives checkups to the small children Eliza gathers in her new orphanage. He comes home every night and he is the one who sees Alexander angry because he cannot remember what he is writing. He cleans up the broken pot of ink and throws away the papers filled with endless scribbles of nonsense and tells Alexander it will be okay, he doesn’t have to know, it will come to him. 

Alexander cries into his chest and mumbles nothing at all, and when they go to bed that night he asks John when they got married again. John gives him a sad smile and says November sixteenth, love, November sixteenth fifteen years ago. Alexander does not stop shaking in his arms. 

They got married in November. 

That is what Alex repeats to himself when John is gone in his clinic and all he can do is sit at home in their little house and listen to his own thoughts that never complete themselves. He forgot one day, he forgot why he had a wedding ring in his breast pocket and John had told him that he was married, they were married, and that they have been for a long time now. He didn’t understand at the time, two men can’t get married, he’d replied, it’s unlawful. John had smiled at him with eyes full of tears and kissed his head and told him it was about time to eat supper. So, he repeats it and forces himself to remember. He does not want his dear John to look at him like that again. 

_ I have a husband,  _ he forces his brain to keep _ , I am married to my dearest John Laurens and we have loved each other since we were young men. I still love him. We were married in November, in November twenty-two years ago on the sixteenth, and everyday he comes home and tells me that is so.  _

**If he is going to remember one thing before he dies, that will be it. He cannot wait for John to come home. **


End file.
